I've written a lot over the last couple of weeks about how life as a stroke-survivor is a roller-coaster; about how smoothing out the ups and downs is important to enjoying (that's the wrong word, actually; I mean 'surviving') the journey.
Well, last week was such a roller-coaster that I have had to wait a couple of days to calm down before I could sensibly write this blog post. I won't go into the details because it's not worth stressing over and I am on the upswing now, but for a time at the beginning of last week, I began to wonder whether it was all worth it. Whether giving up all this 'stroke-awareness' stuff and just retiring to stare at the walls for the rest of my life would be a more sensible option.
I was giving myself too much to worry about, too many people weren't being helpful, in fact too many people were being difficult, my stress levels were too high. Undoubtedly, seeing pictures of happy family holidays all over my social media when Mrs Warrior and I haven't had a holiday in eight years wasn't helping.
But by the end of the week, I began to realise that when my neuropsychologist talked about doing three things a day, and only three things a day, he meant it. And now I know what those three things are. You have to learn lessons out of bad times, or what's the point? And I have. I consciously felt my health deteriorating through last week; my fatigue was getting worse, my irritability was getting to a point where Mrs Warrior was wondering if she could continue putting up with it.
Of course, it's possible that the continued heat isn't helping - it's definitely a good thing that I'm a confirmed naturist. But it's been affecting my sleep, which is probably affecting my fatigue, which is probably affecting my mood.
Last week was a lesson. I have friends, two in particular, who tell me that I'm not very good at learning lessons about living with stroke. Well, if it means I don't have to go through another week like last week, I'll happily learn this one.